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Forgiveness Is The Easy Part…..

June 14, 2010

We have all heard the old adage ‘forgive and forget’.  And we all know forgetting is the bigger ‘nut’. Working with families over the past two decades has taught me that when it comes to strained or fractured family relationships, forgiveness is indeed the easy part. The other more challenging part is reconciliation. What is reconciliation?  It is the proverbial leap of faith in a relationship — when we risk again, love again, in the face of no evidence that we will not be hurt again. It is trusting that we can begin again.

This is particularly difficult in families because our families know us like no others — our vulnerabilities, our deepest needs and fears. They are arguably the most ‘able’ to hurt us.

Reconciliation is the process we must journey through within ourselves — that place where we become reconciled — where we accept the prices we must pay for what we long for.

In many cases, as we grow older, we come to terms with our longing that our family BE the family we remember having. It doesn’t even matter that our memories are imperfect or flat-out wrong. We want to get back to that feeling of well being, of belonging, of unconditional love. How we have hurt one another as adult children often changes the possibility of feeling that way again. – leaving us bereft and empty.

It takes enormous courage to squarely look at the family we ‘have’ – and ‘choose’ that family in all of it’s imperfection.  When we do, once we are ‘open’, everything comes back in — the inevitability that we will hurt and be hurt again as well as the very real possibility that we will love and be loved again, fully and unconditionally.  That’s the deal.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. June 19, 2011 9:01 am

    Nice Blog with Excellent information

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